The Turtle and The Scorpion

I was reminded of this story in a recent conversation with a friend. It is believed to have been written by Nur ad-Din Abd ar-Rahman Jami in the 1500s, but there are multiple variations of it in existence. Despite it's age, I recall having heard it as a child and believe it still has a lesson to teach.

The Turtle and The Scorpion:

A turtle was happily swimming along a river when a scorpion hailed it from the shore.

The scorpion, being a very poor swimmer, asked the turtle to carry him on his back across the river.

"Are you mad?" exclaimed the turtle. "You'll sting me while I'm swimming and I'll drown."

"My dear turtle," laughed the scorpion, "if I were to sting you, you would drown and I would go down with you, and drown as well. Now where is the logic in that?"

The turtle thought this over, and saw the logic of the scorpion's statement. "You're right!" cried the turtle. "Hop on!"

The scorpion climbed aboard and halfway across the river the scorpion gave the turtle a mighty sting. As they both sank to the bottom, the turtle resignedly said:

"Do you mind if I ask you something? You said there'd be no logic in your stinging me. Why did you do it?"

"It has nothing to do with logic," the drowning scorpion sadly replied. "It's just my character."

Unfortunately, as the moral goes, you cannot change the nature of some people and not everyone acts on logic. There will always be turtles and scorpions. It's about balance. How we deal with them is what matters.

10 Small Victories

Having done the dieting roller coaster and on a much more reasonable pace, now, I've learned to appreciate the small stuff when it comes to weight loss. It's those things that keep me going and fuel my goal of a healthy lifestyle. So, each week, I try to think of 10 small victories and keep track of them. They have amazing power when written down and available for reference. I use them as fuel and to combat some of the negative aspects, such as those I stated in my earlier post, "The Ugly Side of Weight Loss."

My 10 Small Victories, this Week:

1) I can wrap a bath towel all the way around me and give it a generous tucking in.

2) 3 people who didn't know I was trying to lose weight told me I look good, this week.

3) I can do Jillian Michaels - 30 Day Shred, without pain.

4) Water tastes way better than Soda.

5) I can fold 3 baskets full of clean clothes without sitting down.

6) I don't need that 3rd cup of coffee. A good morning workout works just as well.

7) I have no desire to watch tv. I can't sit long enough to watch an entire show.

8) 3 Miles - Not so hard.

9) The smell of McDonald's makes me nauseous.

10) And, It now takes me 3 meals to finish 1 lunch meal from the local Chinese food place.

Simple and a tad bit silly, I find these things very satisfying. Small victories are my way of reminding myself that the process is worthwhile, no matter how slow things seem to be going.

Wine A Day

There's a bottle of wine in my fridge, that has been there for over a month. When company stopped by recently, they were surprised by this, because I apparently talk about drinking wine quite often. The truth is that while I do talk about needing or wanting a glass, I rarely end up having a glass. So...to clarify, below is my Wine A Day list, taken from last week:

Sunday - Worked in to the evening. Looked at the bottle of wine, but went to bed, instead.

Monday - Labor Day. Poured myself a glass of wine and sat down on the couch to enjoy it. Took a few sips before my daughter came bounding on to my lap, forcing me to quickly set the glass on the bookcase. It was still mostly full when I found it there, the next morning, and dumped it.

Tuesday - Took the bottle of wine out of the fridge and set it on the counter. Tended to the children and got distracted doing other things. Remembered there was a bottle of wine on the counter. Put it back in the fridge and went to bed.

Wednesday/Thursday - See Sunday.

Friday - Poured myself a glass of wine and set it aside. Tended to the children and then, forgot where I left it. Looked for my wine for about 20 min before giving up. Put the children to bed and then, found my wine. Decided I was too tired to drink it and went to bed.

Saturday - Had friends over. Finally got to drink an entire glass of wine (plus 2 more). Still did not finish the bottle, even with help.

Maybe I need to buy smaller bottles?

10 Years After 9/11

I feel like I should blog something about 9/11, but not quite sure where to begin on a topic that is so close to my heart. It doesn't feel like 10 yrs, to me. It's hard to explain how it feels to me, because I was there. I saw it happen. I felt it happen. I smelled it happen. I heard it happen. I watched as everything around me disappeared in to smoke. I was surrounded by it and that memory is both hard to erase and hard to explain.

Every year, I have loved ones that call me on 9/11, to chat and to check in. I know they mean well, but don't fully understand what this day means to me. I can't make them understand and sometimes, that's difficult to accept. Shortly after 9/11, a relative gave me a 9/11 Tribute book, thinking I'd like it. Then, a year or so later, I was given another book. I admit I flipped through them, though they've never set on my coffee table or seen the bookcase. I think they're on a shelf, somewhere, or in a closet. I've kept them, though I'll never feel the need to read them. A few years ago, I was given a DVD play-by-play of the events of 9/11. I watched it, just once, before sticking it on the shelf with all of our other DVDs. I think I saw myself in there, somewhere. And, then, of course, there are the yearly tributes, which everyone thinks I need to watch. The answer is always, "No...I'm not watching it."

Today, seemingly on schedule, I received my yearly call from a relative. They were watching the live memorial show, aired on a major network. The conversation went something like this:

Relative: "Do you have the tv on?"
Me: "Yes"
Relative: "Are you watching the 9/11 memorial?"
Me: "No. The children are watching a movie."
Relative: "Oh, you should put it on. It's amazing and so sad."
[puts phone to tv]
Relative: "They've been reading names forever and they're only on G."
Me: "There were almost 3000. It's going to take a while."
Relative: "There were 2900 and something. You should really put it on and watch it."
[puts phone to tv, again]
Relative: "Listen to the pretty flute music. It's a wonderful tribute."
Me: "That's okay. I don't need to watch it."
Relative: "You need to watch it, so you won't forget."

The conversation continued and I eventually gave up trying to explain that I don't need to watch a show on tv to remember. I'll never forget. I can't forget. I was there. In fact, I find much of the media attention sickening in the fact that somewhere, someone is making a profit off of such a somber event. I'd rather remember the day in quiet reflection, which is the way I know best to honor the fallen. It will always be a day of remembrance, but I choose to remember it by focusing on those around me and by appreciating how much I have. It's not about how many lives were lost, but that those lives were someone's brother, sister, husband, wife, child... I was lucky to have been merely a witness to the events and not something or someone else. I heard evil whisper in my ear and I saw what it could do, but I never met him in person.

On this day, 10 years after 9/11, I will not watch a tribute on it. I will not read a book on it. I will not turn on the radio and listen to song after song about it. I will not remember it by looking at or hearing about it. I will remember it in the faces of my children. I will remember it in the memories I cherish from my life. I will remember it in family that have passed of natural causes, not having their lives stolen by evil. I will remember it like it happened yesterday, because I can never forget it. On this day, I will hold my family in my heart and hold those things most dear to me in high regard. I will choose not to call everybody and talk about it. Though, I may tell you my story, someday, it will not be today. Because, today, it doesn't matter.

On this day, 10 years after 9/11, I would love to see everyone just step away from the media; step away from all the hatred and conspiracy theories, and computer-generated play-by-plays. I want everyone to walk outside, look around them, smell the flowers, play a game with their children, have lunch with a good friend, and be thankful for the things they have in this world, while remembering those who are not here to enjoy those same luxuries. That, to me, is the teaching of 9/11. To acknowledge that evil is out there, lurking, yet continue to live our lives in all that is good. As a country, we were/are targeted because of our freedoms, so why not embrace them on this day, both to honor the dead and to offer up quiet justice. Choose to watch or listen or read about it. Choose to feel saddened by it, but don't let that sadness fall on those around you. Be free and loving and appreciative, not just today, but everyday. That is how I choose to honor those that lost their lives on 9/11, not because I want to forget, but because I cannot forget.

Favorite Recipes - Carrot or Apple Cake w/Cream Cheese Frosting

Ingredients (Cake):

1 1/2 c. Sugar (or 1 c. Sugar + 1/2 c. Honey)
1 c. Oil
3 Large Eggs
1 t. Vanilla
1/2 c. Unsweetened Chunky Applesauce (I use Musselman's brand)
2 c. Traditional or White Whole Wheat Flour
2 t. Ground Cinnamon
1 t. Baking Soda
1/2 t. Salt
For Carrot Cake: 3 c. Shredded Carrots (about 5 medium)
For Apple Cake: 3 c. Diced Apples (about 3 medium, cored and peeled)
1 c. Coarsely Chopped Walnuts
1/2 c. Raisins*

*Add raisins to a bowl/cup of hot water for 10-15 min to moisten. Drain & set aside.

Ingredients (Frosting):

1 pkg (8 oz) Cream Cheese, softened
1/4 c. (1/2 stick) Butter, softened
2-3 T. Milk
1 t. Vanilla
2 c. Powdered Sugar

Directions (Cake):

- Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease bottom and sides of pan (use 9"x13" rectangle, 2 - 8" rounds, or approx. 18 muffin tins)
- Beat together sugar, oil, eggs, vanilla, and applesauce.
- Add remaining ingredients, except carrots/apples, walnuts, and raisins. Beat on low until well blended.
- Mix in carrots/apples, walnuts, and raisins.
- Pour into pan. If using muffin tins, fill to 2/3 full.
- Bake rectangle for 40-45 min, rounds for 30-35 min, or muffins for 15-20 min., or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.
- Allow to cool 10-15 min and then, remove from pan(s) to wire racks. Cool approx. 1 hr before frosting.

Directions (Frosting):

- Cream together cream cheese, butter, vanilla, and sugar.
- Whisk in milk 1 T. at a time, to desired consistency. Frosting will thicken as it cools.
- Pour/spread over cake/muffins. If using rounds, spread small amount of frosting over 1 round, to coat evenly. Top with 2nd round and spread remaining frosting over top and sides.
- Optional: Sprinkle a few chopped walnuts over top as decoration.
- Important: Store frosted cake/muffins in the refrigerator. 

Quiet Misery

It's amazing how things change when you become a parent and get to the point of sending your children off to school for the day. It's a nerve-wracking experience, but also one that comes with a strange feeling of being free and not quite knowing what to do with that freedom. I've been a stay-at-home mom for a little over 2 yrs and other than those years I worked out of the house, I can't think of a single day I've gone more than 3 hours without my children. Before I had the children, I relished my days off, always thinking of 1 thing or another to do, to pass time. I relished the quiet that came from vacations and holidays, enjoying a work-free day without phones to answer, computers to repair, and things to type. I'd shop, take a nap, play in the yard, go for a hike...there were endless possibilities. I think back to that time, now, and can't imagine such a stress free and easy existence. Having children in my life has changed my viewpoint in ways I could not have dreamed.

When I first learned our local school would be switching to full-day Kindergarten, I was apprehensive, but happy to have the chance at some much needed "alone" time. Last year, with my son in 1/2 day Kindergarten and my daughter going to Preschool for 3 hrs, 3 times a week, I juggled errands in a limited time-slot, shuttling children back and forth to school, as needed. "This year will be a great chance for me to get lots of things checked off my to-do list and really focus on myself," I thought. The kids had been fighting quite a bit and so the idea of having long stretches of quiet seemed so needed. I could feel the stress lifting as I pictured myself running through the grocery store with a regular shopping cart, checking things off my list at the speed of light - no children begging for sugar-laden snacks, no wide-turning car cart, and no one asking me to read every sign and box.

The night before the first day of school, the reality started to sink in as I packed their bags and laid out their clothes for morning. "This feels so strange," I thought. "I'm losing both of my babies. Life will never be the same." I got them to bed at the correct time and no one complained or stalled about the process. They were excited to go and I had no idea why that bothered me so much. The next morning, I put them on the bus, walked back in to the house, and stared at my coffee. I didn't cry, even though I felt like I should. I really didn't know what to do. I must've sat there for at least an hour, waiting for something, anything, to happen. The house felt so quiet.

I was in a bit of daze that day. I did some cleaning, folded the laundry, and tried to get to that to-do list. It was all very surrealistic and without motivation. I slumped through the day, checking the clock multiple times, wondering when the kids would be home. It was just so quiet. I turned the radio on, turned the TV on, played the piano...It wasn't the same. I caught up on blog reading, flipped through a magazine, checked the weather...I looked at the clock. What time is it, now? It's only noon. What am I supposed to do with this day? All my plans of leisure and productivity and "alone" time went completely out the door with the kids. I forgot everything. Back to staring at my coffee...

Now, on day #6 of school, I'm thinking back to my college days and how my mother reacted when I, the youngest of 4, left the house for the 1st time. I remember my mother called me, every day, for at least a month, checking in and asking when I'd be home to visit. I remember laughing about it with my friends. It was a bit annoying, at the time, and felt intrusive as I set out to discover my adulthood. These past 6 days have made me understand her actions a bit more, as I struggle with new-found independence after being without for so long. The quiet is deafening and it seems strange sitting here, no one asking for anything or striking up a silly conversation. I even miss the fighting, just a little bit. If I could, I would most likely act just as my mother did, checking in with them constantly, partly out of curiosity and partly to make sure they're okay. Maybe it's instinct to be like this or maybe, it's just a selfish need to be needed. Either way, it's a strange, nagging feeling.

I'm sure it will get easier, but right now, as I sit here at 10:00 am with my 2nd cup of coffee, I miss my kids. I miss their personalities. I miss their conversations. I miss my daughter's random, made up songs about everything. I miss the noise. I hate the quiet. I know that 3:00 pm will come much faster than it did that 1st day and I'll be once again breaking up fights, dishing out snacks, and lecturing them about leaving shoes in the middle of the kitchen floor. As with every night before school, I'll dream of quiet and think about how nice it will be once they go to bed, until they do. It's at that point, as I pack their backpacks and lay out their clothes for the next day, that it will all begin again. I'll send them off to school and start counting the hours and days 'til Saturday comes and the house gets back to a normal din. It's the thing I relish as a parent. It's the thing that makes me realize I have the best job in the world, because it's a job I don't want to be away from. I don't relish the quiet, but relish all the wonderful noises my children produce, ear splitting and all. I reserve the right to complain when someone's screaming a foot from my ear, but in the end, I don't mind it that much, because it's still better than quiet.

The Ugly Side of Weight Loss

I have been on a mission, the past year, to lose some nasty weight gained from having children. Having lost 80 lbs in the 4 years prior to my marriage, I looked at this as a fairly easy challenge. I mean, I only have 1/2 that to lose, this time around. That shouldn't be too difficult, right? In my mind, I expected everything would go as it did before and I'd be back in my old clothing in no time. Now, 28 lbs in to round 2, I've learned some interesting things about my body and how it's adapting to my shrinking size.

1) Your body changes after having children. Just because you wore that dress and looked good in it, before having children, you can't assume you will look good in it, after having children. Even if you can fit back in to it, it mostly likely fits you in a completely different way. There are those lucky enough to escape this problem, but for most, having children has left it's mark in some strange ways. Though, I admit I've kept a few things from the past, just because, due to lack of closet space, I was recently forced to take a hard look at the amount of ill-fitting wardrobe I've been holding on to. In the end, I sent 3 garbage bags to the Salvation Army, stuffed with items that were either out of style or made for a much younger version of myself.

2) Our skin loses a certain amount of elasticity as we age. This is a fact of life, unfortunately. Having lost a significant amount of weight, followed by back-to-back pregnancies and breastfeeding, my skin is shot. While daily exercise has helped to tighten up some areas, I've found the sagging more accentuated as the weight has come off. This is especially true around the middle, causing a few issues in the clothing department and a general dislike of bathing suits. There's really no inexpensive or easy fix for this problem. A friend recently joked that I should invest my money in a "mommy makeover." If I could afford the cost and downtime necessary, I'd be totally up for some nip and tuck. For now, though, I'll have to be content to wear clothing with a little added spandex.

3) At some point, you will have no idea what to wear. While I'm rarely a speed dresser, I've recently hit a point in my weight loss where nothing fits or if it does, just doesn't fit right (see point #1, above). This is a tough one, since replacing an entire wardrobe is an expensive undertaking. I've tried to stick w/necessity items, figuring I'll add more upon reaching my ultimate size goal. However, it seems as soon as I replace a pair of pants, for example, I find I need shirts. And, what about undergarments? As I realized on 1 outing, they are just as important as everything else, and there is no inconspicuous way to deal with a pair of underwear that has fallen down inside your shorts. As body parts have shrunk at their own pace, my wardrobe has become a bit of a piece meal. I've tried to stick with similar color patterns, but there are still items with no matches, from buying an outfit and then, losing a size on top or bottom shortly after. I've spent hrs trying on clothing, emptying my drawers and yanking things out of the closet, only to end up with a pile of give-away clothes and maybe 1 outfit to wear the next day. It's a bit frustrating, even if it isn't an entirely awful thing to have to deal with.

4) Shopping for clothing can be an overwhelming and time-consuming experience. As a larger person, I found a certain comfort and ease when it came to buying clothes. I'd simply see something I liked, try on the largest size available, and either work down from there or put it back on the rack. I knew just by looking at something whether or not it would fit, often times purchasing an item, without trying it on first. I could always return it, if it didn't fit. A few days ago, I made the decision to go shopping for a couple new tops, to go with some jeans I'd purchased in the spring. I'd been putting it off, due to lack of time, but with the weather changing, I needed something other than tanks to wear. I never anticipated it would be a stressful experience, but upon walking in to the store, I was immediately overcome with a sinking feeling. I walked around the racks, pushing a few items around, pulling others out and holding them up. Am I an M or an L or an XL? I can't be an XL, anymore. This looks about right when I hold it up, but when I try it on, there's just too much skin showing. Is it supposed to fit like that? I'm not ready for that. That style used to look good on me, but is just wrong, now. Brain overload kicked in and I simply gave up. I never expected to feel so lost and so utterly confused about buying clothes. I've lost weight. This should be fun, right? In the end, I grabbed a pair of exercise shorts and some inexpensive tanks to workout in. I didn't bother trying them on, since it's likely no one will ever see them. Maybe next time I'll get something I can wear outside of the house.

What comes of this is that, while it's great to lose weight, it can also be an ugly experience. Unless you have money and a lot of time to burn, at some point, you'll end up at an odd place where you hate your wardrobe, hate your body, or are just fed up with the whole process. It's an inevitable part of weight loss, especially if you've lost a good amount. Right now, I'm doing my best to push past this strange place I'm in and just keep on doing what I'm doing. In the end, I know it will all work out. I'll reach my goal and once again get to the point where it becomes familiar. Changing my body has been the easiest part of this process. Changing the way I view my body and accepting those things which are unchangeable has been far more difficult to accomplish. Patience...

Favorite Recipes - Sugar Free Pear Muffins

To offset the extremely unhealthy Cinnamon Roll recipe, I thought I'd post a healthy recipe. This is a favorite with the children, especially when made as mini-muffins.

Ingredients:

1 c. All-Purpose Flour (or White Whole Wheat Flour)
1 c. Traditional Whole Wheat Flour
1 1/2 t. Baking Soda
1 1/2 t. Baking Powder
1/2 t. Ground Cinnamon
1/4 t. Ground Nutmeg
1/2 t. Salt
1 c. Fat Free Vanilla Yogurt
1/4 c. Vegetable Oil (or 1/8 c. Oil + 1/8 c. Unsweetened Applesauce)
1/3 c. Honey
1 Large Egg, Beaten
1 c. Canned (in fruit juice) or Fresh Pears, Pealed & Chopped w/Juice

Directions:

- Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease muffin cups.
- Mix together flours, baking soda/powder, salt, cinnamon and nutmeg. Set Aside.
- Combine yogurt, oil/applesauce, honey, and egg. Add to dry ingredients and mix well.
- Add in pears/juice and mix.
- Spoon batter in to muffin cups to about 2/3 full.
- Bake 25-30 min for full sized muffins or 15-20 min for mini-muffins.
- Cool on rack and enjoy.

Favorite Recipes - Cinnamon Rolls with Vanilla Glaze (modified for Bread Machine)

*WARNING* - These are neither low fat, nor low sugar. But, they are oh so good. :-)

Due to the amount of time it takes to make these and also, the fact that they're not the healthiest option, I make this recipe only for special occasions or by request. When I do make them, however, they are always a big hit.

Ingredients (Rolls):

1 c. Water, Room Temp
1/4 c. (1/2 stick) Butter, Softened
1/3 c. Sugar
1 Large Egg
1 t. Salt
3 1/2 c. All-Purpose or Bread Flour (I use Unbleached, White Whole Wheat flour)
1 1/2 t. Active Dry Yeast (not Quick Rising Yeast)

Ingredients (Filling):

1/4 c. Butter, Melted
1/4-1/2 c. Sugar (optional)
1/4-1/2 c. Cinnamon

Ingredients (Vanilla Glaze):

1/4 c. Butter, Softened
2 c. Powdered Sugar
1 1/2 t. Vanilla
2-4 T. Hot Water

Directions:

- Add all ingredients, except yeast, to the bread machine, as ordered above.
- Make a small well in the middle of the flour and add yeast, making sure to avoid contact with wet ingredients.
- Set the bread machine on the dough setting and start (should take 1 1/2 hrs).
- Turn machine dough on to floured surface and knead a few times to remove any bubbles.
- Using a rolling pin or by hand-stretching, roll dough to approx. 10"x15". I use a similar sized cutting board as a guide.

Add Filling as Follows:
- Pour melted butter over top of rolled out dough.
- Using a pastry brush, gently spread butter to evenly coat entire dough surface.
- Sprinkle/shake cinnamon over dough to evenly coat (approx. 1/4-1/2c). Follow with sugar, in the same manner, if desired.
- Using a pastry brush or your hands, gently work together the filling over the dough, to evenly coat the surface. Be careful not to rip the dough.

- At this point, decide whether you want a higher amount of smaller rolls or a small amount of large rolls.
- Roll up the dough on the longer side for small rolls or on the shorter side for large rolls.
- Using a sharp knife or string, cut 1" sections along the dough roll. You should end up w/approx. 8 large rolls or 12 small rolls.
- Place rolls on side in greased 9"x13" baking dish and cover loosely with plastic wrap.
- Allow to rise in a warm location for approx. 30 min or until rolls have doubled in size.
- Bake at 350 degrees for 30-35 min or until golden brown.
- Remove from oven and allow to cool for 10-15 min, before adding glaze, if desired.

- For glaze, mix well all ingredients listed. Pour over rolls and allow to soak in 10-15 min before serving.
- Serve Warm. If consuming the next day, warm individual rolls in the microwave for 10-15 seconds, for best taste.

A Day in the Life of Soda the Cat - A "How To" Guide

 

Soda

Step 1 - Wait in hallway for owner's bedroom door to open.

Step 2 - Sneak in to owner's room.

Step 3 - Jump on bed and clean self repeatedly until owner kicks you out, forcing owner to get out of bed.

Step 4 - Beg to go out.

Step 5 - Refuse to go out, because it's raining.

Step 6 - Repeat Steps 4 and 5 at each outside door until convinced it's raining out all of them.

Step 7 - Return to original door and beg to go out.

Step 8 - Go out, walk around for 5 min. Beg to come back in.

Step 9 - Dry self on owner's pant leg.*

Step 10 - Eat.

Step 11 - Repeat Steps 4 through 10 at least 2x.

Step 12 - Nap on some books.

Step 13 - Sit next to full food bowl, but beg for treats, instead. Follow owner around room, until you get treats.

Step 14 - See Step 11.

Step 15 - Hunt for bugs on windows.

Step 16 - Nap on shelf in owner's closet. Push owner's clothing on to the floor 1st, to free up space.

Step 17 - Eat.

Step 18 - See Step 14.

Step 19 - Repeat Steps 4-18 until dark, alternating nap location.

Step 20 - Sleep in hallway.

At dawn, return to Step 1.

*Be sure to clean self in between each Step.

Blog v. Nature

It's been a while since I've sat down and blogged. The gap is a product of a beautiful summer and my unwillingness to spend it inside. We've walked, we've played, we've hiked, we've camped...we've taken the time to enjoy this rare treat of a long span of fair weather. It's one of those things so easily taken for granted and I can't imagine passing up the opportunity to enjoy it, in favor of a computer screen.

One of the things I've most enjoyed about this summer is spending time near the water. There's really nothing like sitting, feet in a cool lake, staring out at the view. Birds fly overhead, mountains rise up in the distance, and an occasional kayaker paddles by, causing small ripples in the surface. A nice breeze completes the scene, which truly has to be felt to be appreciated. I've taken numerous pictures & videos, trying to memorialize these events, but they pale in comparison to the real thing. You just can't capture the sounds and smells of nature as a whole, or appreciate the way the sun flickers off the waves. Digital video, though impressive of late, still lacks perspective and the ability to surround you in a moment.

One rule we have for camping is that, unless it's raining, we maintain a media-free atmosphere. This is necessary, as the whole purpose of camping is to dive in to nature, something that is not easily accomplished when distracted by fast-paced electronics. Nature, at it's core, has to be felt. It's a slower pace, an easy gait, and a willingness to be immersed in the simplicity which sustains us as human beings. It's not until you enter it with a clear mind that you begin to see the importance of those small bits of our Earth, which get forgotten in a complex world. This rule has met with some resistance as the children have gotten older. But, as we've found every time, by the end of the trip, no one notices their WiFi missing or that there's no cell signal anywhere in the park. We just want to be outside.

In the end, there really is no Blog v. Nature debate, though it makes for a catchy title. Nature will win every time, if you allow it the chance. And, that's okay with me. Because, I know winter will come eventually, and so will the blogs.

Safety in Numbers

I've always wondered what life would've been like had my husband & I not made the decision to stop having children after 2. Though, I absolutely hated pregnancy & am happy not to go through it, again, there are times I am just a bit envious of those with big families. While I love my children & wouldn't change them for anything, they are such different people that disagreements are inevitable and as they've grown, the gap between them has widened quite a bit. They fight about everything, lately, from the games they play to the shows they watch. They see the world in completely different ways, which makes it difficult, sometimes, to find that middle ground. Having other children around for them to interact with would certainly help at those times, by broadening their perspective and eliminating the boredom that comes with only having each other on a day to day basis.

After spending an evening with 6 children (my 2, plus 4 belonging to our neighbors), I can totally see the benefits of having a big family. Though, I'm sure things are much different around bed time, there is that sense of safety in numbers. Not only do they keep each other entertained, it's a far easier feeling when sending them out to play in a pack vs. sending them out as a 1 or 2. For about 2 hrs, last night, there were no injuries, no fights, and no one asking mom/dad to get them anything. I gave them each a flashlight, sent them outside, and the rest developed out of their collective imaginations. It was joyous watching them run around the house, playing some form of hide & seek in the dark.

While my body is done having children, the experience of numbers has spurred a realization that the best way to get my children past their fighting is to give them far more exposure to other children. So today, as a trial, I have a 5 yr old boy coming to stay with us for about 5 hrs. I'm hoping it goes well, as if it does, I have the option to become his regular caretaker, 2-3 evenings/week, through the summer and in to the school year. I am a tad bit nervous about the prospect, as I haven't taken on a position like this since having children. However, the idea of having a permanently scheduled play date for the kids, in addition to extra income, is pushing me to really want this to work. I also feel as if fate is once again trying to show me the direction I need to go. The boy's parents contacted me out of the blue, right when I'd been considering such an idea. That perfect timing is difficult to deny. No matter what happens tonight, I'll know I at least did my best to go with the flow and trust that something worthwhile will come out of the experience.

Projects - Progression of a Playhouse #1

What We Ordered - A Kit To Build This:

What We Received (4/21):

After a month long delay, due to heavy rains...

Began Construction (5/21):

On May 26th, 2011 severe thunderstorms swept through the region, producing tornado type winds.

The 1st Storm Moving In:

The playhouse and several trees went down...

Assessing the Damage (5/27):

On 5/29, Vin and neighbor, Cliff righted the playhouse frame and repaired the damage. 2x4s were added to the cracked support posts and sunk in to the ground, for added stability. Ripped out screws were replaced, bolts were tightened, and the frame was leveled.

Back to Work - A slightly torqued, but level frame (5/30):

Vin helps with the lower part of the roof and dormer, since I'm not fond of ladders:

The Kids Move In (6/6):

Added a Pulley and Bucket:

[Swing Set to Follow]

The Rise and Fall of a Playhouse

The Playhouse Arrives:

The Playhouse Frame Goes Up:

The Storm Rolls In:

[insert severe thunderstorm, tornado force winds, snapping trees, backyard chaos...]

The Playhouse Takes a Fall:

Soda surveys the damage

Kind Neighbors Come to Help:

Vinny and Cliff repair the broken support posts and level the frame.

The Playhouse Frame is Back up (with extra wood and footings):

Projects - Pasta Making

I'm a huge fan of old-world crafts, which have become a dying skill set, of late. It's been a passion of mine for a long time, as I'm drawn to the idea of creating something wonderful using basic tools and materials. Such crafts are also important in creating a healthier, eco-friendly, and more self-sufficient household.

About a year ago, I began looking at the smaller aspects of my household's spending and realized a huge portion of our costs go to groceries. Many prepackaged items are relatively easy to produce at home, given the technology available. I also realized, looking more closely at certain items, how many non-food ingredients go in to their production. Pasta, for example can contain oil and metal residue from the machines used to manufacture it. Though this occurs in relatively small amounts, it's still concerning to me when feeding it to my 2 young children.

To follow up on this winter's bread making project, I decided to try my hand at making pasta. Being Italian, pasta is something I always have to have on hand, and I normally buy about 3-4 boxes, per week. After a failed attempt at making it by hand, I decided to purchase a pasta machine. I read the reviews and invested in a sturdy Atlas brand machine and 18" drying rack. I also purchased "The Complete Book of Pasta and Noodles," which I found to be an invaluable reference, best read, prior to any pasta making attempts.

Though I am only 1 week and 2 batches of egg pasta in to this project, I'm pleased with the results and ease of it all. Since the pasta is made with whole wheat flour and egg, it's much heartier and healthier than it's store bought counterpart. Plus, the process became a family project, as the kids were intrigued and begged to get in on the fun. They each took a turn cranking out the pasta and were given the role of "pasta hangers" for the project. They watched patiently as I rolled the dough several times to get the right thickness and put it through the cutters. Once done, they took turns gently pulling the pasta strands, one-by-one from the pile under the machine and hanging them on the drying rack. Surprisingly, the whole process took only about 1 hour to complete, which left plenty of time to make some rolls to go with the night's pasta dinner.

Items Purchased for Project:



Total Investment for Project = Approx. $100 for all 3 items. A large portion of my investment went in to the pasta machine ($86), since I went with a high-quality machine known for sturdiness. I plan to use it quite a bit, so I believe this was a worthwhile decision. Machines, however, run as low as $25, so depending on how much use it will get, the investment could be lowered quite a bit.

On the Death of Bin Laden

"Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that" ~Martin Luther King Jr

"I've never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure." ~Mark Twain

Though neither of the above quotes directly correlates to anything current, I've seen them (or some form of them) circulating friends' pages on Facebook, the past 2 days. While contradictory in nature, they both fit my mood since hearing of US Forces' capture and killing of Osama Bin Laden, on Sunday. Having been only 4 blocks away from the WTC during the events of 9/11, I find myself torn on how best to address the news.

While I am somewhat delighted Bin Laden is gone, he became a memory to me, long ago, as I moved past the anger of what happened and began looking at that day as an awakening, both for myself and for the world. It's been almost 10 yrs since so many perished and it all seems surrealistic to me, now. I can feel the rumble caused by the planes hitting the WTC, smell the smokey, ash-filled air, and hear the scores of screaming people running away from the towers as they crashed down. But, in my head, those memories play back like movie clips, scattered and somewhat confused. There are times I feel very close to that day and others, I wonder if I was really there or just drawn in to the media storm that followed.

Thinking back to 9/11 and the unimaginable loss of life, I am hardly appeased by the news of Bin Laden's death. While countless people wave flags of justice, I feel like the news comes too late and is too little to make up for even a portion of what happened. One life cannot make up for the lives of thousands, and I wonder how this path of taking an eye for a multitude of eyes will bring us in to a future of peace. While Bin Laden may have perished, we are no where near bringing an end to terrorism, and the backlash of this week's events could ultimately lead us in to an unthinkable repeat of the events of 10 years ago.

While many rejoice that we've taken a step forward, I feel as if we've taken 2 steps backward. Almost all of the news sources reported the same thing in regards to the mission, in that it was to "kill, not capture" Bin Laden. Though their mission was a success, I have a hard time seeing the justice in forcing martyrdom on 1 not deserving of such a title. The US has, indeed, made a mark on the world as a force to be reckoned with. Our troops are strong and brave, but is it best to pronounce our hatred so loudly? Displays of force, as history has shown us, tend to bring about more displays of force, as there is always a victim to the action. The true strength of a country lies in the health, happiness and prosperity of its' people.

In my opinion, the $450 billion spent in the pursuit of Bin Laden would have been better served assisting those within this country, both struggling from economic loss and due to this year's unstable weather. While the news of Bin Laden's death has brought about closure to so many affected by the events of 9/11, it comes to me with an empty feeling that we are still right where we were, no better off as a country for having put so many resources in to killing 1 man. Just like my memories of 9/11, the media will replay this week's events in ever shortening clips, over and over, until it fades in to surrealism, before focusing it's attention on some other world event. The celebrations will end and we will once again be left wondering what the future holds.

Sunshine & Disappointments

Yesterday was a perfect spring day. After several mornings of rainy, snowy, cold weather, we woke up to sunshine and mid-50s. It was clear we needed to make the most of it, especially being Earth Day. After running a few errands, we filled the day with outdoor activities, appreciating everything the environment had to offer us. Sticks and rocks and dirt are nature's toys, and the children had a blast creating stories around everything they could find on the ground. Other than my morning step aerobics, the TV remained off and there was a strict no-Wii policy in place. We followed our perfect day with an evening round of front yard soccer and some food cooked on the grill. It was joyous and what we needed after a bit of a stressful week. We all went to bed tired, feeling confident in what had been accomplished.

Today has been a completely different day, filled with unstable weather and a bit of a downing mood. Yesterday morning left us hopeful for a great day, but today has been dark and cold, with a few surprising disappointments. Even the optimist in me is striking out at every turn. It's unfortunate when holidays come with heartbreak and the best laid plans don't happen as expected. The children feel the effects, as well, and as a parent, it becomes difficult to keep them upbeat. In addition to looming questions, this Easter weekend has my family split in two, with my husband and son on a road trip, and my daughter and I home alone. We also received a phone call bringing bad news regarding a summer vacation we've enjoyed for the past 7 years. It's hard to get past all that and still feel hopeful, even with my inner optimist chiming, telling me otherwise. All I can really do, today, is remind myself that tomorrow is another day.

Yesterday was a great day.

Tomorrow could be a great day.

Tomorrow IS another day.

No matter how much you try to make a day a good day, some days are just bad days. That's just the way it is. Tomorrow is another day.

And, at the very last moment of this blog, fate stepped in with a little sunshine. It didn't stay for very long, but it was there. :-)

The End is Near

I realized, this morning, that about 5 weeks from now, my youngest, Dani will be done with Preschool. David will follow 2 weeks later, from Kindergarten and we will be in to summer vacation. Looking outside at the snow coming down, it doesn't seem likely summer will be here anytime soon. But, there it is, on the calendar, circled and labeled.

Just like with every year in Vermont, the seasons are sneaking up on me. Though I am entitled to complain when it doesn't work in my favor, I secretly kind of like the surprise of it all. It doesn't matter what weather is thrown at us on any given day. Tomorrow could be completely different. There's always that glimmer of hope that the next day will bring something new. Seasons, up here, come and go at will. They don't gradually make an entrance. They shoot in, loudly announcing their arrival, and then, shoot out again with a giggle. I like to think of it as a game of whack-a-mole. Sometimes, if you're lucky, you plan it just right and hit the best of the day. Other times, you hit an empty hole. It makes it really hard to schedule things, but at the same time, surrounds me with that eclectic feel I love. We get the chance to experience what every season has to offer and have learned to appreciate the sunny days, something those that live in constantly mild weather would have a hard time understanding. Even the plants in my yard know the pattern. They don't come on a set day. They just pop up at the 1st opportunity and I'll look out my window to see a garden full of flowers where there was just a pile of snow. No matter what doubts I have in my mind about the seasons, they will be here, eventually. Soon, after weeks of cold, crummy weather, I'll wake up to sunshine and 70s, and a new hope for the season to come.

Mud Season Blues

After yesterday's beautiful weather, we are once again stuck inside a la mud season style. Days like this bring out contradictory feelings of both dread and wishful hoping for more sunny days to come. While yesterday's indoor tasks faltered, rainy days like today pull me back in, forcing me to play catch-up with the week's laundry, vacuuming, etc. While it's a wonderful opportunity for cleaning, it's tough to get over the darkness outside, especially with 2 active children in the house. Everything takes just a little bit longer, with the inevitable "I'm bored" and "there's nothing to do in the house." It doesn't matter how many toys are sitting idle on the shelves, they are just not enough to fill the empty void left by dark looming clouds, overhead. I'm constantly having to pause and use whatever creativity I have left in my head, to gain 10 more minutes of concentration. I've learned to accept, on days like this, that I will not always finish what I start. The goal is to not give up or give in to the temptation to say, "screw it all" and plop down on the couch, in front of the tv. It's a battle of wills, stopping and starting, trying to squeeze in 1 more task, before someone realizes I'm not paying enough attention to them. Even the cats are extra snugly, rubbing my legs, trying to distract me from what I've set out to do. All I can do is turn up the lights, crank the tunes, and set the example that today will be a glorious day.

Starting Over

After the initial shock of losing about 5 yrs worth of blog posts, thanks to Google, I'm now looking at this as a wonderful opportunity to start over. Those early blogs were a lot about my trials in dealing with a high-needs baby, a surprise 2nd pregnancy, and a f/t job that made me miserable. This was my place to get it all out and it was helpful, at that time; My quiet, unshared space to vent, without judgment. But, those days are in the past, and I'm at a different place in my life, right now. My children are 5 & 6, and I've been a stay-at-home mom for the past 2 yrs. It's time to take this blog in a new direction and make it something that fits my life at present.

Where I am, right now, is living day by day, planning my next moves around what is most beneficial to the needs of my family. I feel I owe it to my children to give them the best of myself, right now. Life has taught me that you cannot predict what is coming around the corner, no matter how hard you try. You can simply hold on to your children when you can and trust that when the time comes, you've given them everything they need to survive on their own in the world. There's no simple remedy or plan for that; I just make it up as I go and hope I've done right by them. I figure no matter how badly I screw up, if at the end of day, they know without a shadow of a doubt that they're loved, I've done what I set out to do. When all else fails, hug them, hold them, and tell them I will always be here for them. There is no real manual for being a parent, though many have tried to write one.

I am looking forward to seeing where this crazy ride will take me. With the children now older, I've been trying to expand outward and take on some new challenges. I've already added some volunteer work to my schedule and awakened my creative side, which got a bit lost in the stress of trying to juggle work and 2 young children. I'd forgotten how much I love art and crocheting and music. I've even dusted off the piano and pulled out some sheet music I'd been meaning to learn. I may decide to offer lessons or I may just work on my own skills. There are so many opportunities, right now, to improve oneself. While some see the now as an economic struggle, I'm looking at it as a push to spend time over money. I mean, how much stuff do we really need? Having little money for that "stuff" has opened my eyes and shown me just how much I allowed myself to get bogged down in it. It's amazing what happens when decluttering begins. The best things in life really are free and there are times when fate has to step in and force you in the right direction. If it weren't for two RIFs, I would never have left my job and most likely, never have had this wonderful opportunity to spend time with my children, before they get too old to appreciate it. I've learned so much in the past 2 yrs and know there is still so much more. It may be a crazy ride, but I'm not looking to get off it, just yet.