Monday, April 18, 2011

Starting Over

After the initial shock of losing about 5 yrs worth of blog posts, thanks to Google, I'm now looking at this as a wonderful opportunity to start over. Those early blogs were a lot about my trials in dealing with a high-needs baby, a surprise 2nd pregnancy, and a f/t job that made me miserable. This was my place to get it all out and it was helpful, at that time; My quiet, unshared space to vent, without judgment. But, those days are in the past, and I'm at a different place in my life, right now. My children are 5 & 6, and I've been a stay-at-home mom for the past 2 yrs. It's time to take this blog in a new direction and make it something that fits my life at present.

Where I am, right now, is living day by day, planning my next moves around what is most beneficial to the needs of my family. I feel I owe it to my children to give them the best of myself, right now. Life has taught me that you cannot predict what is coming around the corner, no matter how hard you try. You can simply hold on to your children when you can and trust that when the time comes, you've given them everything they need to survive on their own in the world. There's no simple remedy or plan for that; I just make it up as I go and hope I've done right by them. I figure no matter how badly I screw up, if at the end of day, they know without a shadow of a doubt that they're loved, I've done what I set out to do. When all else fails, hug them, hold them, and tell them I will always be here for them. There is no real manual for being a parent, though many have tried to write one.

I am looking forward to seeing where this crazy ride will take me. With the children now older, I've been trying to expand outward and take on some new challenges. I've already added some volunteer work to my schedule and awakened my creative side, which got a bit lost in the stress of trying to juggle work and 2 young children. I'd forgotten how much I love art and crocheting and music. I've even dusted off the piano and pulled out some sheet music I'd been meaning to learn. I may decide to offer lessons or I may just work on my own skills. There are so many opportunities, right now, to improve oneself. While some see the now as an economic struggle, I'm looking at it as a push to spend time over money. I mean, how much stuff do we really need? Having little money for that "stuff" has opened my eyes and shown me just how much I allowed myself to get bogged down in it. It's amazing what happens when decluttering begins. The best things in life really are free and there are times when fate has to step in and force you in the right direction. If it weren't for two RIFs, I would never have left my job and most likely, never have had this wonderful opportunity to spend time with my children, before they get too old to appreciate it. I've learned so much in the past 2 yrs and know there is still so much more. It may be a crazy ride, but I'm not looking to get off it, just yet.

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